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We write letters....
Dec. 5th, 2007 12:51 pm
Dear LA People,
This is not a "Giant Cupcake."
This is what is known as a "cake."
Glad to clear that up.
XOXOXO
--tiki
Dear LA People,
This is not a "Giant Cupcake."
This is what is known as a "cake."
Glad to clear that up.
XOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters....
Sep. 18th, 2007 08:24 pm
Dear George Lucas,
"Animated debut?"
Animated debut???
Who exactly do you think you're fooling with that one?
It's the Holiday Special.
Say it with us, "The Star Wars Holiday Special."
Look, it was the 70s. We drove around in airbrushed vans, wearing shag haircuts and bobbing our coked-out heads to "Magnet and Steel" on 8 track tapes. We still wore polyester. The itchy kind. We paid real money for tickets to see Corvette Summer.
In short, we all did thing we weren't proud of.
Get over it. You'll feel better.
Have a nice day!
--tiki
We write letters....
Sep. 6th, 2007 03:34 pmDear Yahoo Japan Auctions,
Thankyou.
We love everything about you.
But especially the Scrump with dreads.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
Thankyou.
We love everything about you.
But especially the Scrump with dreads.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters...
Aug. 27th, 2007 02:41 pmDear Yahoo Japan Auctions,
It seems we've known you for so long. We've been your constant companion, because we know we can rely on you. You suck out any stray dollars tiki may have lying around, and in return, provide amusement when our regression equations take more than an hour to converge.
You are not supposed to add to our agitation.
Not just one officialy licensed Disney's Lilo & Stitch toaster oven, but two?
When we really didn't even have room for the first one?
Dude. That's just wrong.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
It seems we've known you for so long. We've been your constant companion, because we know we can rely on you. You suck out any stray dollars tiki may have lying around, and in return, provide amusement when our regression equations take more than an hour to converge.
You are not supposed to add to our agitation.
Not just one officialy licensed Disney's Lilo & Stitch toaster oven, but two?
When we really didn't even have room for the first one?
Dude. That's just wrong.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters....
Aug. 12th, 2007 11:00 pmDear David Milch,
I have just finished watching the season finale of your new show on HBO, John From Cincinnati. I would like 47 hours of my life back please. I would like to request not only the hours of my life wasted actually watching your show, but I would also like back the hours Mr. Tiki and I spent discussing how the show made no sense, the time we spent watching promos, and any minutes we may have spent programming the TiVo to tape John from Cincinnati. I would in addition request back any time spent watching Deadwood, since now remembering the goodness of that show only serves to make us sad. Also, you need to apologize for the mess in Iraq. JfC was actually so bad and pointless, we can't believe it didn't have some contribution to make to that situation.
We would also like some money back for our flatscreen TV. We didn't actually throw it through the window, since that would have made us miss Flight of the Conchords, but we thought about it a lot, and need the money for pain and suffering.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
I have just finished watching the season finale of your new show on HBO, John From Cincinnati. I would like 47 hours of my life back please. I would like to request not only the hours of my life wasted actually watching your show, but I would also like back the hours Mr. Tiki and I spent discussing how the show made no sense, the time we spent watching promos, and any minutes we may have spent programming the TiVo to tape John from Cincinnati. I would in addition request back any time spent watching Deadwood, since now remembering the goodness of that show only serves to make us sad. Also, you need to apologize for the mess in Iraq. JfC was actually so bad and pointless, we can't believe it didn't have some contribution to make to that situation.
We would also like some money back for our flatscreen TV. We didn't actually throw it through the window, since that would have made us miss Flight of the Conchords, but we thought about it a lot, and need the money for pain and suffering.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters...
Jul. 3rd, 2007 11:06 amDear Ann Coulter Party,
You are officially dead to me.
And, no, I don't mean I'm pissed off an not gonna vote for any of your bozos in 2008.
I mean, I'm pissed off and not going to vote for any of your candidates ever. Again. In my life.
I mean I no longer consider you a legitimate opposition party.
I mean, you are dead to me.
Ya know, despite being raised in a New Deal Orthodox household, I used to have genuine positive thoughts about certain of your candidates, like Christie Whitman, or Rudy Giuliani. Like, "Hey, they're not bad, maybe if I lived in that state, and the Dems ran Fidel Castro's family cat, Mr. Pickles, in opposition, I'd consider voting for those guys!"
But, no, just identifying as Repub evidently tips off the inevitable soul rot, even in otherwise decent people. Christie Whitman blithely sent 9-11 rescue workers off to pain, disability, and death. (Hope they haunt you to your grave, bitch.) And Rudy, the former prosecutor, is bouncing up and down in his adult diapers to cheer granting your boy Scooter a Get Out of Jail Free pass.
From now on, even if the Dems run a pink poodle dog against one of your boys, we're voting for the poodle dog. And, we're raising money for the poodle dog, putting up yard signs for the poodle dog, making phone calls for the poodle dog, and knocking on doors for the poodle dog. And then even if the pink poodle proves somewhat less able than the current occupant of the nation's highest office (though we don't see how) we'll still be happy that it can't do half the damage pissing in the corner of the Oval Office that you clods did pissing all over the constitution.
Ya know, next time you guys subvert a legitimate election and grab power, why don't you just stop the pretending, and outsource the Department of Justice to Halliburton? A soulless, secretive defense contractor grown fat from sucking at the government teat--sounds about right. Dick Cheney has stopped this whole charade about giving a shit, and look how happy he looks.
XOXOXOX
--tiki
You are officially dead to me.
And, no, I don't mean I'm pissed off an not gonna vote for any of your bozos in 2008.
I mean, I'm pissed off and not going to vote for any of your candidates ever. Again. In my life.
I mean I no longer consider you a legitimate opposition party.
I mean, you are dead to me.
Ya know, despite being raised in a New Deal Orthodox household, I used to have genuine positive thoughts about certain of your candidates, like Christie Whitman, or Rudy Giuliani. Like, "Hey, they're not bad, maybe if I lived in that state, and the Dems ran Fidel Castro's family cat, Mr. Pickles, in opposition, I'd consider voting for those guys!"
But, no, just identifying as Repub evidently tips off the inevitable soul rot, even in otherwise decent people. Christie Whitman blithely sent 9-11 rescue workers off to pain, disability, and death. (Hope they haunt you to your grave, bitch.) And Rudy, the former prosecutor, is bouncing up and down in his adult diapers to cheer granting your boy Scooter a Get Out of Jail Free pass.
From now on, even if the Dems run a pink poodle dog against one of your boys, we're voting for the poodle dog. And, we're raising money for the poodle dog, putting up yard signs for the poodle dog, making phone calls for the poodle dog, and knocking on doors for the poodle dog. And then even if the pink poodle proves somewhat less able than the current occupant of the nation's highest office (though we don't see how) we'll still be happy that it can't do half the damage pissing in the corner of the Oval Office that you clods did pissing all over the constitution.
Ya know, next time you guys subvert a legitimate election and grab power, why don't you just stop the pretending, and outsource the Department of Justice to Halliburton? A soulless, secretive defense contractor grown fat from sucking at the government teat--sounds about right. Dick Cheney has stopped this whole charade about giving a shit, and look how happy he looks.
XOXOXOX
--tiki
We write letters....
Jul. 2nd, 2007 08:25 amExcerpt of a letter to Michael Moore from Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA:
(We refuse to give 'em a link--go google it, if you must.)
Dear Ingrid:
With all due respect, there's an ignorant, self-righteous bitch in the room, and it's you.
XOXOXO
--tiki
Although we think that your film could actually help reform America’s sorely inadequate health care system, there’s an elephant in the room, and it is you. With all due respect, no one can help but notice that a weighty health issue is affecting you personally.
(We refuse to give 'em a link--go google it, if you must.)
Dear Ingrid:
With all due respect, there's an ignorant, self-righteous bitch in the room, and it's you.
XOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters....
Jun. 28th, 2007 11:52 amDear P.Z. Myers,
How do I tell THIS is a girl squid, anyway?
I mean, she doesn't have long eyelashes, or boobies, or even a pretty pink bow in her tentacles.
Personally, I think Hobby Link Japan is funnin' with us!
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
How do I tell THIS is a girl squid, anyway?
I mean, she doesn't have long eyelashes, or boobies, or even a pretty pink bow in her tentacles.
Personally, I think Hobby Link Japan is funnin' with us!
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters....
Jun. 22nd, 2007 03:49 pmDear Nerds:
In case this is not obvious, having a conversation involves actually listening to the other party.
It does not consist of staring blankly, waiting for your turn to talk, and then repeating essentially what you've already said. Three times. We heard you the first time, thanks. And, it's still not terribly interesting.
Special note to Nerd Girls: tiki is probably not going to be overly impressed by the fact that you have tits.
XOXOXOXOXO
--tiki
In case this is not obvious, having a conversation involves actually listening to the other party.
It does not consist of staring blankly, waiting for your turn to talk, and then repeating essentially what you've already said. Three times. We heard you the first time, thanks. And, it's still not terribly interesting.
Special note to Nerd Girls: tiki is probably not going to be overly impressed by the fact that you have tits.
XOXOXOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters...
May. 16th, 2007 11:46 amDear GenCon,
We registered for Star Wars Celebration back in March.
We just got a call from your customer service representative.
Our tickets will not be mailed beforehand. Due to "a glitch." So, we now face the infinite pleasure of spending an entire day in line waiting for Will Call.
We have just one question:
You didn't have time to mail out tickets.
But you have time to contact 35,000 con-goers individually to tell each and every one of them about this?
*sighs*
XOXOXO
--tiki
We registered for Star Wars Celebration back in March.
We just got a call from your customer service representative.
Our tickets will not be mailed beforehand. Due to "a glitch." So, we now face the infinite pleasure of spending an entire day in line waiting for Will Call.
We have just one question:
You didn't have time to mail out tickets.
But you have time to contact 35,000 con-goers individually to tell each and every one of them about this?
*sighs*
XOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters....
Mar. 5th, 2007 08:31 pmDear Dick Cheney,
You are the federal bureaucracy, you dipshit.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
You are the federal bureaucracy, you dipshit.
XOXOXOXO
--tiki
We write letters....
Jun. 15th, 2006 10:08 amPrinciples Keith can swear by
Keith Olbermann's vacation isn't going so well.
He was forced to apologize yesterday after more of his E-mails found their way to my inbox and exposed the host of MSNBC's "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" as insulting and frequently obscene in an acrimonious exchange with two viewers who taunted him.
Olbermann's antagonists, who asked not to be named, repeatedly claimed in their June 8 E-mails that dead Al Qaeda terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was Olbermann's "hero," prompting the television star to advise: "Hey, save the oxygen for somebody whose brain can use it. Kill yourself."
Dear Keith,
You are right, the guys who emailed you are a waste of oxygen. But I agree that you need to apologize. You completely forgot to mention that those clowns are also emitting dangerous levels of carbon dioxide, and thus contributing to our global warming problem. Perhaps a better solution would be to feed them to angry polar bears?
♥♥♥♥
--tiki
We write letters....
Jun. 7th, 2006 12:14 pmDearest New York Times:
Dudes! Like, totally enjoyed your article detailing the state of the Clinton's marriage. Rilly love the direction the paper is taking. Got a hot tip for ya, maybe you can assign David Broder to follow up?
This is from Wonkette, so it must be true!!!!
Can't wait! Remember, we're all depending on you to raise our level of civil discourse.
XOX0XO
--tiki
Dudes! Like, totally enjoyed your article detailing the state of the Clinton's marriage. Rilly love the direction the paper is taking. Got a hot tip for ya, maybe you can assign David Broder to follow up?
Crazy Talk We Can’t Ignore: The Bush-Condi Rumors
We’ve been trying to take the high road around here. Over the past few days, we’ve refrained from writing about rumors of an alleged affair between Dubya and Condi, which supposedly caused Laura Bush to move out of the White House. We’ll willing to believe almost anything around here — but this gossip strikes us as a tad ridiculous.
As in the case of the Martin Random rumors, however, a flood of reader emails has forced our hand. We will now blog about the aforementioned crazy talk, just to stem the tide of tips about it....
The rumors appear to have originated with a June 1 posting at the Wayne Madsen Report:
"Rocky shoals for Bush marriage? Informed sources Inside the Beltway report that First Lady Laura Bush has established temporary residence in the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, DC as a result of a tiff with President Bush over an extramarital relationship involving her husband. Mr. Bush’s tryst is said to involve Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. It is not known how long Mrs. Bush plans to remain at the Mayflower, however, her security detail has been present at the hotel during hours when the First Lady would normally be residing in the White House.
While she was National Security Adviser, Rice, who has never been married, referred to George W. Bush as 'my husband' before she corrected herself and said, 'President. Bush' Rice was speaking at a dinner hosted by New York Times bureau chief Philip Taubman when she made her 'husband' remarks."
Now, we’re more than willing to believe parts of this rumor. Laura moving to a hotel? Sure! Perhaps they got into a big fight, maybe over W. drinking again?
This is from Wonkette, so it must be true!!!!
Can't wait! Remember, we're all depending on you to raise our level of civil discourse.
XOX0XO
--tiki
We write letters...
Jun. 2nd, 2006 01:24 pmRegulators endorse "refuse and refer" for morning-after pill
OLYMPIA - Druggists who personally oppose morning-after birth-control pills could refuse to sell them under a rule endorsed today by state pharmacy regulators....
"The governor isn't a pharmacist," said board member Donna Dockter, a Seattle pharmacist who led the push to give her colleagues broader discretion in filling prescriptions....
C.J. Kahler, a past president of the Washington State Pharmacy Association, said the rule would properly respect the rights of both patients and drug providers.
Dearest Ms. Dockter and Past President Kahler,
Since the early spontaneous abortion rate is thought to fall somewhere between 15% to 60% (see, for example, this New England Journal of Medicine abstract), will you please sign on to my new legislation?? It will allow grocery store clerks to refuse to sell sanitary napkins if their conscience prevents it. I'm sure it will not inconvenience you in any way (unless of course you've just started your period and are in a cranky mood anyway).
X0X0X0X0
--tiki
